Golden Steps to Authentic Living

Golden Steps of Inner Guidance

I realized from doing therapy with my ex-husband many years ago that I love being in deep contemplative space internally and with another, exploring the life journey, looking at all there is to see from our family backgrounds and where that takes us. My spiritual journey started there, with the realization that our marital problems weren’t his fault, that I was part of that creation, too, that I am the creator of my life. Such a big aha, and a turning point for me, becoming conscious. 

That experience and realization prompted me to become a life coach and to begin studying metaphysical thought through Marianne Williamson, Eckhart Tolle and other teachers including Abraham (channeled by Esther Hicks). Abraham says that our Souls choose to come into this earthly realm in order to create in human form, to be on the leading edge of evolution, and that we view it as an adventure. I love that perspective! I love how Abraham says that the challenges we face here provide contrast for our experience so we can continuingly adjust our direction as we feel the need. No right or wrong, no blame or shame, no good or bad, sometimes just feeling off course. They say that if we can tune into what feels good and true within us, we can begin to flow more easily with Source Energy, like floating easily down the river, moving with the current of Life. 

I’ve learned in my own experience that the more I let go to this way of being, the better things go for me. The more I let go of trying to figure things out, of strategizing, worrying, trying to mentally construct my life, the easier it is to feel my innate guidance within me. With my strong mental orientation, it has required real intention to lean more into my intuitive nature, a constant letting go of thinking my way through things. I’ve learned over time to allow the thoughts to come, to be curious and alert to what Spirit is bringing my way, but to let the thoughts flow through until they naturally start to take form. I focus my attention more on my gut now, what I’m feeling in each moment. With each choice, with each decision, what feels right to me? It’s a practice in patience and discernment, a slowing down into the present moment, not making a move until it feels true for me.  

As I’ve lived more into this intuitive way of being, I’ve experienced an interesting phenomenon that I call Golden Steps. As I observe the thoughts coming through and as I wait for an intuitive prompting, a feeling of rightness within me, I often feel a sensation of golden steps being placed one-by-one in front of me from a place beyond my human capacity, by my Higher Self. The thoughts that stick around, that feel good and true within me, start to build on themselves, and then bring supportive people and circumstances to me. A feeling of natural momentum starts to energetically move me forward, organically, like a golden step placed before me that feels easy and natural to take. It’s not a path to begin, it’s just one step, and as I stay attuned and present, I begin to feel momentum and flow to the next step presented before me, and the next, my inner guidance gracefully moving me forward. It feels so lovely to let go to this flow, to feel moved, guided in this way. 

As I’ve experienced this more, I’ve learned to trust the process, to trust my inner guidance, feeling my way forward in life. There are challenges to work with, of course, but my life unfolds more smoothly now, often with a touch of magic that can only come from the genius of Spirit. And with this, there’s a sense of safety and protection that feels more real to me than any outer construct that I could create. I am moving and co-creating with Life, with Spirit, with the power and beauty of All That Is, golden steps unfolding before me.  

Sarah, from there to here…

I started my human journey in the suburbs of Ohio in 1957. My parents were both teachers and musicians, and choir director and organist in several Presbyterian churches. My brothers and I had to go to church and had to sing in the choirs, something I don’t think any of us enjoyed. There was nothing spiritual about this experience, at home or at church. I wasn’t very interested in the Sunday school classes or teachings. I got a vague sense of Jesus and the Christian stories, but nothing more.

I went to high school and then college in Florida, where I was finally able to stop going to church. The Christian teachings had never made much sense to me - original sin, Jesus dying for our sins, having to believe in Jesus to go to a place called Heaven, a dark, fiery underground place called Hell with a frightening red Devil  terrorizing me forever. Really? It was also the height of the feminist movement, and I was seeing the patriarchal presence in the Christian teachings and organizations.

After college, I started working as a high school English teacher. Teaching had been the assumption for me with my parents, a good thing to fall back on if I didn’t get married. (Yes, they actually said that.) Turns out, I was a shockingly bad English teacher and I hated it. Fortunately, at 24, I married a man who owned a small business. I quit teaching and became his office manager. And a love affair began. 

I found that I loved organizing and creating efficient processes, the feeling of order and flow. I didn’t realize it then, but I had discovered a gift, a super-power actually, that would take me places. 

The marriage ended and then, with my second husband, I moved from Florida to Seattle, where I found my first corporate administrative management job, and I loved it! I got to use my skills and lead, another gift that I discovered. I became active with women’s political groups and, with that exposure to equity and fairness issues, I developed an interest in corporate Human Resources. After 12 years in Seattle and after another divorce, I moved to San Diego and became a Human Resource Generalist for a large telecom company.

Approaching 45, something started to feel off. The corporate world felt harsh and unfulfilling. The questions started to come, Why am I here?, What’s my purpose?, Who am I? I went to a career counselor and, talking about who I was and what felt good to me, I shared how much I had loved doing the therapy I had done with my husband, how much I loved talking about my journey and seeing into myself and others. She suggested life coaching, and I felt an immediate resonance. Shortly after, I quit my corporate career, and I entered a one-year life coach training program. I also fulfilled a dream that I’d had to become a Jazzercise instructor, purchasing a Jazzercise franchise and teaching classes. I was now a two-business entrepreneur and, as I gradually discovered, totally unprepared for what that entailed. Not only was I unprepared, I realized at the end of the life coaching program, that I really didn’t want to do that. It felt stressful to think of finding clients and making a living that way. The Jazzercise classes were draining my physical energy and, as I came to the end of the coach training program, I found myself in a strange situation. I had no idea what to do. I didn’t want to coach, I had no income, and I was starting to get sick from over-exertion and stress. 

And so the deconstruction of my life began. Every now and then I would sit down to my computer with the intention of looking for an administrative job, but something wouldn’t let me. Over the next several years, I was ill a lot and my financial situation fell apart. I let go of all my belongings and lived in peoples’ spare rooms as I went from job to job, trying to figure things out. Strangely enough, in the midst of all that confusion, I felt a sense of freedom and clarity as the old way of being fell away. I didn’t have answers, but it felt more right to be searching than to live what I knew wasn’t right. 

My life coach training had started me on a path of personal discovery and growth, and a friend from the program introduced me to a spiritual teacher who spoke from A Course in Miracles, Abraham (Esther and Jerry Hicks), and Byron Katie. I started to understand that my thoughts create my world. I studied other metaphysical teachers, astrology, the Enneagram as I asked, ‘What is my purpose, what am I here to do?’. The odd jobs continued along with some odd relationships, and I started to feel a disconnect between what I was learning and the life that I was living. I understood the law of attraction and metaphysical thought, but my life didn’t match what I knew. I was confused. How do I bring this together? 

With one particularly awful job, I came home one night, got down on my knees next to my bed, and I had a conversation with God. I surrendered. ‘God, I don’t know what to do. I give up. Please help me’. In the midst of the silence and my tears, a phrase came into my mind, spiritual retreat center. I didn’t know what that was and had never had that thought before, but I went to my computer and googled spiritual retreat center. I was on the computer for the next few hours and the next few days. With no money to speak of, my options felt limited, but I had to find a place where I could not worry about paying rent, where I could just be, let go, breathe. I found an intentional spiritual community that had a three-month full self-emergence program, including room, board and spiritual study for $200/mo. I could do that. I called and spoke to the leader, and the next day I quit my job. Two weeks later, I was at the community, where I lived and worked for five years. 

My time in the community felt like a five-year, 24/7 graduate school program, deepening my understanding of metaphysical thought and giving me the opportunity to live that understanding with other intentional people. I also had the opportunity to do deep personal work, delving into the parts of me that had always brought me shame. A book about introversion came my way, and then a retreat for people with the highly sensitive person (HSP) trait came to the retreat center. Answers to my questions started to come - Why is it hard for me to be with groups of people socially, to go to parties, to tell stories and laugh like other people do? Why am I so serious? Why is the world so loud? Why do I want the lights so low? Why does being alone feel so good to me? Why do I always want to know what people are feeling, to go below the surface and talk about deep stuff when nobody else does? Why am I so different? How do I live in this world?

It took all of the five years in the community to live into my answers and to learn to accept and love myself, to see my gifts in my differentness. I learned about the cycles of life, processing emotional triggers, allowing my world to unfold around me from a place of calm non-resistance, living intuitively and trusting Spirit moving through me, guiding me. I found a firm foundation within me as I learned to live consciously, present and attuned with my True Self. And I came to understand that my conscious living contributes to the collective energy of the world, that my clear and intentional inner and relational work is important and bigger than myself. 

I’m now willing to be seen fully, to express my authentic truth and beauty into my world. I know the answer to my question,‘What am I here to do?’. I am here to be me, the True me, the big Me, the divine I Am showing up as Sarah Jones. That’s all and that’s enough. And a new world creates itself from there. 

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